"Hey I'm Anxiety"

Why must one bestow this burden? Every morning waking up, I sit. I sit and think of my day. I think of every possible scenario to every life event that could possibly be thrown my way.

Why me? Why must one bestow this burden? Every morning waking up, I sit. I sit and think of my day. I think of every possible scenario to every life event that could possibly be thrown my way. My mind won't stop racing and my heart beats a mile a minute. Before making any decision I think. I break down every situation and analyze it until there is nothing there, making it bigger than what it is. My chest tightens, my hands become sweaty, and my breaths become harder to take. I get this feeling of hopelessness. Do I matter, does anyone notice that I'm freaking out on the inside? Every surface of my body is tense, I can hear my heart beating in my head, and everything seems slow. I feel like running and hiding and not coming out.


Before walking across a room to throw away 1 piece of trash, my mind travels to many lengths. "Are they watching, what are they thinking when I get up, who is she?" That feeling comes back.  I feel as though I am overwhelmed. Why? Why me? This feeling is with every situation I am dealt, no matter the size small or large.
Passing a wreck on a highway, those are tough! "How do I avoid this, could this have been me if I came threw sooner, who was this?" Again I can feel that same feeling. This time it is harder, stronger, more intense. My chest feels like it's caving in, I can't breathe, my mind is racing faster than a roller coaster, now my whole body is sweaty, and I feel like my soul is leaving my body. This happens most of the time in the hardest of my life events. Not just a car accident, but aggressive interactions, loud sounds, or questions.


Before bed every night, I lay down. I lay in my bed, but my mind won't stop running. It's like it's in 5th gear and my breaks won't work. I analyze everything from my current day and I think of how these very events will impact my next day. How will I deal with them differently? Then hope kicks in, I'm at the top of my game. I can do anything, or so I feel like I can in the moment. Then real-life situations start, and I break down. "What do I do? How do I process this?" Why, why, why me? What is wrong with, me? Was I not graceful enough to deal with life in a graceful manner? Or, was I just damned to be trapped inside my own mind and body like a prisoner? I can't focus on conversations, because my mind is wondering trying to grab onto what to say. Then I'm short because my anxiety won't let me talk. I feel like I'm drowning, "But why?" is the question I'm always asked. It's something unexplainable.


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